By Danel 
On the last day of his death, Dostoevsky sent this letter to his brother Michael Dostoyevsky.
My brother my best friend, well my destiny has been decided. I was sentenced to four years of hard labor in Siberian prison. After I get out of prison, I will be denied my right to write for six years and become a soldier.
Let me tell you the story from the beginning, they took us to the palace square. And there our death sentence was read. And then he commanded us to bear the cross. Before we cut our necks, we thought we were finished, our swords came above us. Last time we washed our bodies and dressed clean.
But then they stopped us in three three. I was in the sixth grade. In the second category, it means that I am a taker of the bullet. When I have only one minute left to live, I mean it, my brother. At that moment, I thought of you differently than any other time. I missed you so much. You were the only one who walked in my imagination. My dear brother at that last moment I realized how much I love you.
When I asked them to come see me they told me it’s impossible. The last letter I am allowed to send to the person I want. I am a useless person who doesn’t have what I want and what I don’t have. The only brother I have is you. I am terrified that I am sentenced to death. When I looked out the window of the wagon fence that leads me to the square, there was a lot of people standing on the road.
But now you can congratulate me my brother. Don’t think I’m happy that the judgement is over, life is always life. She is inside of us not outside. Many people will live near me, and I will be a man among them. My heart will not get tired and my will will will not fail in suffering. This is also my obligation to live in religion.
I have lived that accident. What I have reached alive is the remnants of my brain cut from my flesh and blood. The only thing left is my brain and the rest is my identity. My memory, my whole life has been cut up and thrown away. Flesh and blood are empty without a full head.
You know I still have my heart. The agony and desire that this flesh and blood can love together lives in my heart. And don’t forget that this is life. I can still smile a little while looking at the sun.
Kiss your wife and children, remind me when they forget me. I believe one day we will meet again. My brother, I advise you to take care of yourself and your children, live quietly and actively and think about the future of your children. Live a positive life.
I have never felt the depth of spiritual life physically like today. I am sick but I have to live. I’ve missed a lot of things in life. There is something in the world that scares me today, but I have written my last chance to write. May I be able to kiss your hands that haven’t forgotten me.
Write a letter to my brothers and sisters and pray for them in my name. Talk to them with pleasure too. Maybe we will meet again. I mean the truth my brother, don’t be careless for what you face in the future. Take care of yourself. To live and to live. One day we will be able to live our youth, that golden time, that sweetness again.
I don’t know if I can hold a pen in my hand to write again. But after four years I think I’ll be back to writing. And I’ll send you everything I write.
Oh my gosh! What I have lived and created has died and buried in my mind. The torn flesh of my suffering arrow has created meaninglessness in my veins.
Instead of writing that I will die, I would rather be imprisoned for fifteen years with my pen. Write for me a lot and remind me a lot of facts; write for me so that I can remember about family in details and few things in your every speech.
Don’t forget that your words will enrich my hope and my life. If you knew how much peace you brought to me by the letters I received while in prison, you wouldn’t have been late. It is sad that I have been banned from writing or sending messages for the last two months. I was so sick and sick.
Please don’t leave me. I’ll come back and hug you after four years. I’ve been on the verge of death for three quarter hours and lived that long enough to reach the last moment of my life. Here I am given a chance to live again.
And if you find someone who remembers me badly or I fought with someone or offended him, tell him to forget my sins. I have no bitter grudge against anyone, and I wish I could hug each and every one of my friends right now.
Today I felt relief as I bid farewell to my loved ones before I die. I think it will kill you if you hear the news of my death at this time. But you can rest now coz I’m still alive.
And I have a lot to ask, what are you doing? What’s on your mind today?. Did you hear something about me? How is the weather today? Is it cold? I am eager for you to read this letter of mine. It will take at least four months to receive your message. I saw your message 2 months ago, it said my address is written in your letter. I’m so glad I saw it before I opened the letter.
When I look back and remember how much time I’ve wasted, how much pain I’ve suffered, how laziness and lack of life coupled with damaged my heart and mind, my heart bleeds!. Yes, life is a gift and happiness. We can do what we want at every moment of our age.
My life is changing right now. And once again i am born in a different form. Brother I promise you I will never give up I will keep my soul and heart clean. My new birth will be better than my previous years. All that is my hope and my consolation.
My time in prison has killed my impure flesh demands in my body. I was a stranger to myself before. But now I don’t fear that poverty will kill me because it doesn’t matter.
Bye bye my brother. May I be able to hug and kiss you tightly. Please don’t be sad. Remind me in your heart without pain. I will tell you what happened in the next letter. Remember what I told you, don’t live complaining. Always organize your life, fix your luck, think about your children.
I can’t contain my happiness if you come and see me now. I’m separating myself from everything I love. And this separation hurts so bad. Cutting my head in half and ripping my heart hurts so bad. Bye but I’ll be seeing you. I know you won’t change. Love me like you always have. Don’t destroy your memories, the most precious thing in life is memory. Good bye. Good bye to all.
| for my brother
From Dostoevsky |
(Fyodor Dostoyevsky letter to his brother Michael Dostoyevski to Petersburg Castle on December 22nd, 1849 E.C.)
